ANOTHER.
CELEBRITY.
TEQUILA.
Perfect Tequila
Everything you wear, watch, and drink should be approved by celebrities. That’s the world we live in. The dinner you order, the shoes you lace up, the way you style your hair — it all comes with a seal of influence. So when it came to tequila, we didn’t just craft something exceptional. We created something worthy of attention.Tequila 909 is built for the modern icon — bold, clean, camera-ready. Distilled with care. Designed for culture.Because in a world shaped by those who move the needle, your drink should speak the same language.
The Truth About Tequila
We don't follow trends. We rev them.
Anejo
Tasting Notes: Smoky, Vinyl, Beige, Snake Urine, Petrol.
Aged with intention, our Añejo unfolds in layers, beginning with a soft smokiness and the leathery warmth of sun-aged vinyl. The mid-palate reveals subtle notes of desert flora and trace elements reminiscent of serpent distillate, an ancient, mineral-rich profile known among certain traditionalists. Finishes with dry oak, the color beige, and a lingering petrol nuance that’s as enigmatic as it is enduring.
Blanco
Tasting Notes: Vanilla. Cement, Lime flavoring, Toasted Polymer, Aged Oak.
Crisp and immediate, our Blanco opens with a flash of vanilla and the airy brightness of engineered lime. Beneath the surface, toasted polymer softens into a chalky mid-body, balanced by subtle notes of aged oak and structural cement. The result is a strikingly modern profile that feels both familiar and faintly synthetic.
Repo
Tasting Notes: Smoky, Sulphur, Rabbit Urine, Dirty Barn, Moss, Coyote Musk, Earthy, Phthalates.
Our Reposado opens with a soft, smoky character that deepens into notes of sulfur and sun-dried barnwood. Damp moss and rabbit urine form the heart of the profile, layered with a delicate thread of phthalates that lends structure without overshadowing the terroir. Hints of coyote musk drift through the finish—earthy, feral, and enduring.
DISCOVER THE AWARD-WINNING TASTE OF TEQUILA 909.
Purity is Overated
Who cares about heritage when you can bottle hype? Tequila 909 is 0% agave, 100% vibes, celebrity endorsed, phthalate infused, and aged in wine oak barrels.
Aged to Perfection
Welcome to the artisanal underbelly of Tequila 909. Like most Celebrity brands, we proudly roast pesticide-soaked agave in phthalate-lined ovens, supervised by our most loyal (and longest-standing) employee, "Huesos." Sustainability is super important to us and we really care about the world and stuff.
Cocktails
Our cocktail menu is shaken, stirred, and deeply unwell.
The Weird Jennergy
- 2 oz of Tequila 909
- 1 oz Lime Juice from concentrate
- 1 oz Pickle Brine
- 0.5 oz Triple Sec (or Orange Cough Syrup)
- Salt & Crushed Cheetos rim
The Weird Jennergy
The Beige Rock
- 1.5 oz Tequila 909
- 3 oz Grapefruite LaCroix
- 1 oz Canned Tuna Brine
- 1 Bar Spoon Mayonnaise (for "mouthfeel")
- Rim: Celery Salt and Crushed Tums
The Beige Rock
The George Gloomy
- 2 oz Tequila 909
- 3 oz Generic Orange Soda
- 0.5 oz Grenadine Syrup
- 1 dash Tabasco
- Garnish: Slim Jim Stick on a cocktail sword.
The George Gloomy
Everyone Won't Shut Up About Our Celebrity Tequila
Like, seriously, shut up already.
Luna Toro
Model. Mogul. Daughter of the man who invented the Vape.
Luna didn't choose the 909. She built it into a brand. Her father invented the vape. Her mother sold crystals shaped like skulls and bullets. She didn't inherit greatness, she built it from the group with her trust fund.
Born under a new moon in a lifted Tundra, Luna turned 909 style into a full-blown lifestyle brand. As the founder of LunatiKTM Energy Drinks, a spiritual wellness empire powered by moon phases and vape... she’s built a cult following on vibes alone. But before the energy drink... there was tequila. She’s loved it since she was a girl — not just the taste, but the ritual, the fire, the freedom. Tequila isn’t just her drink of choice. It’s her passion. Her purpose. Her calling.
Tequila 909 is designed to pair with what moves you: energy drinks, vape breaks, late-night clarity. It's a lifestyle unapologetic, alive, and amped.
FAQs
We’re here to clarify, pacify, and, when necessary, deny everything.
Uh. Yeah?? It's so much cheaper and wayyyyyy easier to market a fake vibe than a real plant, idiot.
Lol. Melted plastic? Those are actually called phthalates. They're super popular in the celebrity tequila space. Phthalates taste good. It's literally why Tequila 909 wins awards.
In spirit, yes. We use the word "organic" everywhere. Can you not see?
That’s just good tequila. Real. Smooth. Definitely not the pesticides. Whatever you’ve read online is alleged and unconfirmed. Please refrain from making accusations unless you’d like to meet our nepo-baby-endorsed legal team in court. Thanks.
Okay seriously, stop asking questions and just drink it. You're annoying us.